I’ve had a recent life event that really made me analyze trust and what it means to a relationship.  It’s hard to define – maybe best done by analogy…

Trust is like a balloon.  It’s a source of fun and joy.  You can rub it on your head and make your hair stand up.  You can bounce it back and forth to each other.  It’s fun to deeply trust another.  But, one untruth, one deception, and out comes a big pin – POP!  It’s gone.  You can’t ever blow it up again.

Trust is like a small bird.  You have to feed it and hold it gently in your hands.  You have to care for it and keep it warm.  You have to treat it with respect.  You have to be concerned about it because it’s fragile.  You have to feed it the little tiny night crawlers of love and integrity.  It takes responsibility.  It’s a living thing.  Disrespect it, forget to nurture it, or neglect your duties to it – it can die.   Possibly forever beyond resuscitation.

Trust is like a house plant.  You have to remember to open the drapes and let some sun shine on it once in a while.  You have to give it some water – not when you get around to it, but when the plant needs it.  You have an obligation to trust.  Say you’re sorry.  Be open and receptive.  Don’t hold grudges.  Give trust what it needs when it needs it.  

Trust is like a glowing ball of energy that responds as much to what you “do” to it as what you “don’t” do to it.  Keep sending it energy like honesty, faithfulness, and forgiveness and it get’s brighter and brighter.  At the same time, don’t lie, don’t do things that causes it to be suspicious, don’t keep secrets, or the energy gets slower, darker, and weaker.  Trust is energy that you control.  

Trust is like a campfire.  Get impatient and throw too many logs on it too fast and you’ll crush out the fire.  But build it patiently, starting with small kindling and working your way up to bigger and bigger pieces of wood and the fire will grow and grow.  You can breathe new life into the fire and make it even brighter by fanning the flames with passion.  Passion opens you up to the other person.  It reveals your inner self and shows the other that you’re committed to them.  Get some oxygen on your flames.  

Trust is like your bank account.  The more you put into it, the healthier and fuller it gets.  Keep making withdrawals and put nothing in and soon it will be depleted.

Trust is the basement upon which you build your house. Build a strong foundation and you you’ll have a solid house that will last and last.  Forget to turn on the dehumidifier and you’ll get toxic mold.  Keep your foundation strong.  Fix any leaks or cracks before they get big.  Otherwise, everything you’ve worked so hard to build on that foundation will crumble.  

All of us need to enter into any relationship with the best intentions.  You can offer trust to the new friendship as a gift.  Then it’s up to both of you to keep it alive and make it grow.  But it’s a delicate thing.  It lives as long as neither party does anything to destroy or disrespect it.  Once gone, it might not return.

It’s almost impossible to fix trust.  It’s kind of a “one shot deal.”  Gifts don’t restore it.  The right words won’t glue your bond back together.  You have to care for trust.  Be concerned about it, and think about the things you do that could easily kill it.  Don’t take it for granted.  Because, like the small bird, the balloon, or the plant…  once it’s gone, it’s gone. 

Tell someone you love them.  Choose words that are true even if it hurts.  Listen to your conscience and intuition.  In other words, give a damn.