I have a friend who walks around naked in front of her teenage sons.  Daily, she cruises through the house and disrobes down to nothing, right in front of them.  The boys are in their mid-to-late teens, so, tits are on their minds anyway – constantly.   Albeit, probably not their mom’s tits.  But those boys are most assuredly thinking about tits.  Her thinking is, if she shows them enough T & A around the house, they won’t be as compelled to seek it out elsewhere in their own lives.  This thinking gave me pause.  Is she right I thought?  Could this be true?  Let’s analyze.

As mentioned, tits are always on the mind of the teenage boy.  For me, seeing one set of titties really just gave me a strong compulsion to continue looking at those titties.  To touch those titties.  To gain further scientific knowledge about their shape, consistency, and feel against my face.  It also gave me the desire to investigate more titties.  Sets of breasts are like Twizzlers.  It’s hard to stop at one.  Thinking that seeing a set of tits will keep a teenage boy from wanting to see more tits, is as futile as trying to eat once and for all.  Dust the house for the last time.  Or fill up your car with finality.  It’s a problem that will recur.  You’re throwing newspaper on an already raging fire.  During the teenage years, your thirst for breasts cannot be slaked.

I started to ponder other possibilities.  I thought, maybe her logic is based on studies that indicate African tribal men don’t get sexually aroused by the site of breasts like American men do?  They say this is because the tribal women walk around topless all the time.  What you see every day becomes as commonplace as a door knob, street sign, or soda can.  The old, “Once you’ve seen one tit, you’ve seen them all” theory.  I guess, I can understand that a little.  There’s a possibility that you could ultimately reach a point of boob saturation.  But, if Kate Upton and Selma Hayek walked around my house topless all day, I contend that is a scenario of which my eyes would never tire.  I could easily do this constantly and never reach a feeling of fatigue.  Those jugs would always turn me on.  No matter what.  My view: the reason that African tribal men probably aren’t attracted to breasts is because their women’s titties are about 3 feet long, paper thin, and nasty.  Have you seen a National Geographic?

I went on to tell my friend that she needed to stop showing her kids her boobs.  To which she replied, “Yeah, but I’ve been doing it their entire lives.  If I stop now, they’ll think something’s wrong.”  Well, I further studied this comment and thought, who the fuck would ever think something was awry if you hadn’t seen your mom’s cans in a while?  ”Boy, I don’t think I’ve seen my mom’s tits in at least six months!”  Said no one.  Ever.

You’re more likely to scar your seventeen year old than you are protect him by showing him your boobs.  I mean really…  What if he drew wood at the sight of your glands?  He’d be forever ruined.  His psyche would be crushed.  Every boner he got from then on he’d associate back to seeing his mom’s tits.  Bad news.

I swear, I think I only saw my mom’s boobs twice in my formative years (six months breast feeding does not count).  Once when I accidentally set an alarm on my clock radio when I was twelve and it went off at 2 AM.  I couldn’t get it to quit.  So, my mom had to run into my room, pissed off, whip on the light, bend over in front of me at my night stand, and shut the thing off.  Her nighty fell away from her and there they were.  I saw my mom’s boobs.  I felt that I just looked into the epicenter of a nuclear blast.  My retinas forever burned.  I think I saw a blue dot in the middle of my vision for three years.  I shielded my eyes in horror.  Not that there’s anything wrong with my mom’s boobs, it was just the concept of looking at them that got me.  I felt like the Nazi’s at the end of The Raiders of the Lost Ark when they looked at the heavenly spirit that came out of the Ark of the Covenant.  They were seeing that which should not be seen.  The same principle applies to seeing your mom’s boobs.  The other time was when I walked into her bedroom without knocking.  I knew better but I forgot.  I got yelled at.

So, I don’t know that I have a definite answer to this dilemma.  My suggestion ladies is to put those titties away.  Only whip them out for your special guy.  I still remember getting a boner when I looked at the National Geographics in the library at school when I was twelve.  So, it doesn’t even matter what form the breasts come in, they are still intriguing to the teenage boy.  Never underestimate the power of the boob.