Ernest Hemingway said we all need to have a “Built-in automatic crap detector.” A severe, unswerving, unrelenting ability to try and figure out what a person is saying without any fluff. Cut it to the very marrow. Try this. Take any common daily communication and then whittle it down and strip the statement of any and all candy coating. Reduce it to its very essence. Try to figure out what the person is really saying. This can be a critical mental capability that carves through the junk of every day conversation and gets to the heart of the matter.
For instance, as a dude, I’ve frequently announced to a room full of people (women included) “Hey, I’ll be right back. I gotta go take a pee.” Seems harmless at first. Particularly at a party. But, when you reduce this exhortation down to its basics, nothing says “Hey, I’m going to go in another room and stand with my genitalia in my hand for about a minute and a half” like announcing a rest room trip. Harmless just took a left turn at gross. And, it doesn’t take a keen intellect to pick this up either.
There are many others. Later at the party, “Wow, did you put cumin in this dip?” really means, “This tastes like you shook out an old turban over a tub of expired sour cream.” “Any beer is good when it’s cold!“ actually means, “Damn, did you steal this keg from a college dorm party?” “You’ve got a real flair for decorating” can frequently be translated as “Wow, you’ve been hitting the storage unit auctions again, haven’t you?”
Communication between men and women is frequently laden with bravado and mock tact that has a sexual undercurrent. As a man, it’s our way of letting a woman know that we’re interested in her without sounding like a total cad. A simple, well-meaning compliment like, “Nice dress” when put in the pressure cooker, frequently means, “Nice cans!” “Do you like movies?“ can be distilled to, “I’d love to get you in a dark room!” “Wow, I can tell you’re a runner!“ really means, “Damn, I’d like to take those legs and make two buttery smooth ear muffs out of them!” Women usually have a very finely tuned crap-detector.
Distill, reduce, and unclutter. It’s like learning a new language. You’ll understand your friends better. You’ll understand yourself better.
