We just finished watching the commercial pap extravaganza “We Bought a Zoo.”  The movie was written and directed by Cameron Crowe, one of my favorite writer/directors.  “Almost Famous” and “Jerry Maguire” are two of the best in the genre in my opinion.  His latest effort “We Bought a Zoo” had some charm and was overall, a decent family flick.  But, it was tainted by the current Hollywood “product placement” trend.  I stopped counting gratuitous product call-outs at ten.

Here’s a sample of the screenplay (I may have embellished, a little…  My apologies to the screenwriters in the audience – Tumblr is not very friendly to the screenplay format):

INT HOME DEPOT.  DAY.

We see Matt Damon dressed in Levi’s brand dungarees.  An out of context, ham-handed, oh-so-forced close-up of his hunky male buttocks reveals the Levi’s identifiable logo.

He steps up to the cash register and we can clearly tell he’s wearing a Carhart brand jacket.  Behind him in raging, obvious-as-a-mother-fucker letters is a Rigid brand miter saw.

                                           MATT DAMON

“Man, I love shopping at Home Depot.  You have virtually any brand of tool a zoo owner could want, including Rigid!”

He gestures back toward the obvious-as-a-mother-fucker Rigid miter saw display.

Flash forward to 15 minutes later in the film…

INT HOMESTEAD ON THE ZOO PROPERTY.  EARLY EVENING.

Matt Damon is serving some corn to his children who are sitting at the dining room table.

                                          MATT DAMON

“OK kids, here’s some corn.  I forgot the butter.  You know that Target is the nearest store, nine miles away…”

                                          KID #1

“You sure Target is the closest store Dad?”

                                          MATT DAMON

“Yes, son.  Target is indeed the closest store.  I think it’s a Super-Target so they’re sure to have butter, and many other convenient items families need at great prices!  It’s right across the street from Home Depot.”

Now, I may have stretched things, just a little, but there were moments in this movie that were just about this bad.  After watching, I felt a little cheap, and used.  Kinda like I just spent Saturday night at Courtney Love’s place and forgot my latex suit.

I realize that it’s tough out there.  Money is hard to come by to get your project made.  But, this type of fundraising has to stop.  It’s bad for the integrity of the craft.  Nobody likes to be insulted and entertained at the same time.  At least, most people anyway.

I’m off to my Kohler shower for a good scrubbing with Dial anti-bacterial soap…