There are a lot of things in the world that it would be fun to be for a day:  tiger, eagle, killer whale, Ferrari F430 GT, and maybe an oak tree.  But there are about a million things that would also suck.  Here’s my list of top five living or inanimate things that it would suck to be, even for two minutes.

1.  Urinal Cake – Your soul purpose in life is to deflect errant waves of urine, prevent splatters, and help keep a public men’s restroom from smelling like a stock yard.  It would suck to be a urinal cake.

2.  Rosie O’Donnell’s Chair – I was thinking, what could be worse than spending a day with Rosie O’Donnell?  Spending a day under Rosie O’Donnell.

3.  Kleenex – Let’s face it, this is a thankless job.  Kleenex mops up spills much worse than your average sheet of Bounty.  Bathrooms, college dorm rooms, and sleezy hotel bed sides are all places that yearn for the Kleenex.  Boogers may be the least of your fears when you live out your existence as life’s mucous membrane seepage receptacle.

4.  Gynecologist – On one level, one would think that this would be a killer job for a dude.  After all, you spend your entire life investigating that which you dreamed about every waking minute of your life since age twelve.  But this job isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  And, anyone who’s ever been to WalMart knows, those women have to go to the doctor sometime…

5.  Dairy Farmer – First of all, any job that involves getting up at 3AM every day is out to begin with.  Plus, anyone who’s watched a farmer pull a breech calf or witnessed an artificial bovine insemination knows that there are certain parts of a cow best kept over twenty feet from your face.