Ok.  So, there’s this asshole who lays on his horn every day before leaving the parking structure under his building across the street from my office.  I know that he’s just trying to alert pedestrians before he pulls out onto the sidewalk.  However, he blasts his horn twice for about five seconds each honk, each and every fucking day at 4:20 pm.  It’s gotten to be severely annoying.  

I’m not exactly sure why his honking bothers me so much.  Maybe it’s the fact that he blasts his horn exactly twice, for the same length of time each burst, at exactly the same time of day, every day.  He never varies the routine.  Two five second horn blasts that echo out of his parking dungeon and he and is clip-on tie are on their way.  How about some variety?  How about, one day, leave and 4:15?  Maybe, try and hit us with a five second burst followed by a 3 second burst?  Just to mix things up?  He seldom leaves early or late.  He never changes the length of the horn blast.  Every fucking day, there he is at 4:20 pm blasting two inordinately long honks.   I’m assembling my sniper rifle.  

This guy is a model of consistency.  He’s like the small town noon whistle or the bells at Westminster Abbey.  Punctual.  Consistent. Persistent. I could set my watch by this guy.  The hairs on the back of my neck reflexively stand straight up Pavlovian-style every day at 4:19.  

I look for him out my office window sometimes so that I can get a look at him.  Even though I can’t really see him from my fourth floor window, from a distance he appears to be kind of a skinny, noodle-armed guy who probably works in IT at some insurance company.  He looks nice enough but his habits have me painting him as a douche.  Someone who brushes his teeth the same way, eats peanut butter toast every morning at the same time, showers with a loofa, and DVR’s American Idol.  

I mean, what the fuck is he honking about anyway?  Can’t he tell that there is no one in front of him on the sidewalk as he pulls forward?  He’s really a rule follower.  I’m sure there’s a sign inside his garage that says “Honk Twice before Entering Street.”  And he does this faithfully every day at 4:20 pm.   Does he really need to announce to everyone in downtown Milwaukee that he’s about to drive his Toyota 4Runner, backpack, Starbucks coffee mug, and clip-on tie to his tan cubicle in insuranceville?  I don’t think so.  

Uh oh, it’s 4:00.  Time to start cringing.