I like to think about the creative process.  How ideas originate – that sort of thing.  It seems every great idea was spurred by an idea about something else.  

For instance, today I was just hanging on my patio enjoying the perfect weather.  It was about 75 and sunny.  I was in the shade.  It wasn’t hot nor was it cold.  It was an absolutely perfect moment in time.  Then a gentle breeze started blowing.  And the breeze set my mind in motion…  It made me think of the song “Summer Breeze” by Seals and Crofts:  “Summer breeze, makes me feel fine.  Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind.”  Those are the real lyrics.  I’m sure you’ve heard the song before if you’re over the age of thirty.  

But then, there’s a problem.  My brain perverts everything it encounters.  Immediately, I started creating alternate lyrics to the song: “Summer’s Eve.  Makes your pussy smell fine.  Cleaning out the jiz in your Vagine…”  A once-beautiful, grammy award winning song about a perfect summer day is suddenly reduced to a warped jingle promoting a feminine hygiene product.  Bravo.  

I think that the habit stems from using mnemonic devices as memory aids.  Essentially, if you’ve never tried it, a mnemonic device is a brain trick that helps you remember something.  You can make up a rhyme, a crazy visualization, or my favorite, twist words around in a sentence to make an absurd phrase that helps imprint those words for more effective recall.  For instance, I might meet someone and he’d tell me his name is Dan Smith.  Those are both pretty common names so It would be easy to hear that name and have it disappear from my brain five seconds later.  However, if I visualize my friend Dan burying his face between Anna Nicole Smith’s giant boobs, I can then remember “Dan” and “Smith.”  (I realize this visualization may not work for everyone – it’s a personal thing).  

You can do the same thing to help you remember the spelling of words. When you hear the word “knife” you might think that it’s spelled “nife” because of the silent “k”.  But, phonetically, if you pronounce the word “kuh-NIFE” you always remember that there is a “k” at the beginning.  This is a simple example but it illustrates my point.  

To me, since I still have the mind of a twelve year old boy, when I hear “Summer Breeze” I automatically try to make it funny by conjuring up a douche commercial and perverting it to “Summer’s Eve.”  I will never forget the name of the song and as long as I live, it will make me think about feminine freshness.   

I’ve also always had a penchant for ruining things for others.  These habits forever destroy good wholesome songs and jingles when they’re subjected to this sort of word-perversion.  I consider it a silent victory if I can cause someone to hear the words “Summer” “Eve” “Douche” or “Vagina” whenever they listen to a Seals and Crofts song in the future.  Because if I you do, I win.  I got to your subconscious.  I’m inside your brain now and there’s nothing you can do about it.  Chalk one up for me.