I went and saw Star Wars The Force Awakens tonight. It was good – really damned satisfying to watch. Entertaining I’d even say. I do have a few thoughts after watching however. These are mere nitpicks about a really good movie, but were things that came to my awareness as the story unfolded. For those who haven’t seen the movie yet, there are pseudo-spoilers in this post. No huge revelations of plot or anything, just notions that might taint your view of some characters in the movie when you do see it.
Carrie Fischer looks like she’s morphed into Martha Stewart over the years. Even when she spoke I was expecting her more to give us an old-fashioned recipe for apple strudel than to bark orders for the rebellion to defeat the empire. Her voice even sounded like Martha. “Before we once again conquer the death star, I’m going to show you all how to fold a fitted sheet and put a nice crisp hospital corner on a queen sized bed.”
It seems Han Solo has also been beaten by the aging stick too. He was gray and a little bent, but, for some reason, his trusty sidekick Chewbacca doesn’t look like he’s aged a day. Either Chewbacca’s been hitting the Just for Men hair-dye section at Walgreens or Wookies simply age much more slowly and gracefully than humans do. They didn’t need to make him look like the Abominable Snow Monster from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer but I couldn’t help but think that a few rogue grays in Chewbacca’s coat would have given his character some realism.
The most shocking revelation while watching the movie was discovering that Han and Leia had love child, Kylo Ren, who ended up looking more like Marilyn Manson than either of them. What the fuck? The Beautiful People my ass! As soon as he took his helmet off for the climactic scene on the bridge, I was waiting for Han to scream out “Fuck! You’re ugly! Put the helmet back on!”
As I said, these are just nitpicks. It was a good movie. Go see it. Help Disney break every box office record in the history of cinema. But, like any good movie, don’t expect there to not be a few head-scratchers.
