I had to make a quick and very important decision yesterday.  I was headed over to a friend’s house to help do some yard work.  I had to decide which shoes I should bring.  Do I bring something comfortable with a little bit of style that I actually like wearing?  Or do I bring the totally burned out crappy pair of Merrell hikers I wear around my own yard?   Style or function?  Dilemma.

You see, the problem with the Merrells is that I never really liked them in the first place.  I only bought them because I was stuck on a road trip once and some of the crew wanted to take a hike.  I hadn’t packed a single pair of hiking or athletic shoes.  But, I’m never one to pass up a good opportunity to hit a trail so, I bought the first size 11 D low hiker I could find at a local shoe store.

When I first saw them, I immediately didn’t like their style, but they were acceptably comfortable, affordable, and I knew they’d serve their purpose for the day’s activities.  Even though I didn’t really like them cosmetically, I hoped that they’d grow on me over time.  I hoped that I’d one day enjoy the look of brown suede with orange accents.  Well, that moment never fucking came.  To this day, those Merrells are the ugliest damned shoes I own.  When wearing them I feel like a clown in rented bowling shoes.  They look like they’re too big and they make me feel like I’ve got two giant Kleenex boxes stuffed with couch pillows on my feet.  I’d love to just toss them in the garbage but the thrift and frugality instilled in me from my dad simply won’t allow that.  After all, they were perfectly good shoes, they didn’t rub, bind, or give me blisters.  Except for the way they look, upon final analysis, I had to accept that they were a functional pair of shoes that had uses.  To throw them away would be wasteful.  To donate them would be rude.

I tried to wear them clandestinely while accomplishing a number of different tasks where no one could see me.  I was determined to get my money’s worth out of those shoes and prove they weren’t a big waste of cash for a one day hike.  I’ve since demoted them to my lawn mowing, gardening, and flower planting shoes.  I figured, no one could see me while doing chores, so what the hell?

Let me see…  What shoes do I wear today?  Painting?  Merrells.  Leaf raking?  Merrells.  Mulch scooping?  Merrells.  I’ve got dozens of other dress, casual, and athletic shoes.  However, this is the irony of the entire situation.  My other shoes, I seldom wear because I don’t want to wear them out.  But, since I like to work in my yard and always seem to have a million dirty projects, I’m constantly wearing these ugly-ass Merrells.

I feel like I look like a total d-bag when they’re on my feet.  They don’t match any item of clothing I own.  They look oversized and hideous.  But I wear them more than virtually any other shoe I own.  I have come to accept that their looks really don’t matter on the lawn mower.  The mulch doesn’t give a shit about my fashion sense.  My family frugality always comes back to haunt.  I’m going to wear those shoes out if it kills me.