Did you ever stop and analyze the things that you do alone that you would never do in a million years in front of someone?  Booger picking, butt scratching, ear-hole digging…  That sort of thing.  But those behaviors are just the tip of the iceberg.  It’s like your public self is always at war with your real self.

This dichotomy is really your picture face versus your real face.  Everyone knows that they have a good side they want demonstrated in pictures and a less-than-good side.  We all try to do our best to mask our flaws when we smile for a picture – i.e. we keep our lips together to mask that tooth that sticks out, hold our head down to cover the turkey wattle, and turn our head one way or the other so no one can see that mole you hate.  When you’re alone you forget about all this stuff and just let your self be.  Your public self is poised and ready to be seen.  Your private self, well, is another story entirely.

This makes me wonder…  What’s normal?  The self-conscious self we express every day in public or the free, natural self that we are when we’re alone?  Really, if no one cared, would you freely pick boogers, scratch yourself, and say completely inappropriate things as you would whey you’re alone?  Would you dance like no one is watching?  Or would you always have a tiny bit of concern a surveillance camera was keeping an eye on you somewhere?

The private versus public states seem to be the masculine and feminine polar opposites of being.  Women seem to live in their public “Who knows who might be watching” state, with butt cheeks clenched tight to avoid any potential inappropriateness.  Whereas men are much more in touch with their natural state, free-flowing with less concern for who’s watching.  Farting is the ultimate separator between the world of the public and private selves.  Women will go for weeks without farting while men document, catalog, memorize, mimic, and competitively force every fart into joyous existence.  Men are in touch with their natural side.

I think we need to be a combination of our public and private self.  Just refined enough to be presentable but relaxed enough to not get on everyone’s nerves.  Nobody likes a person who’s too much of their public self all of the time.  These people are the high school librarians who come by and whack you with a ruler and remind you that there’s no talking during study hall.  Natural people on the other hand are more free with natural body functions – maybe too free.  They won’t be bothered by things like frequent showers or putting on fresh sweatpants before heading out of the house to go to WalMart.  Natural people aren’t hung up on normal rules of hygiene.  Let’s face it, a little “natural” goes a long way.