Well, I just found out today that the Big 10 conference has rolled out a new award to honor the conference’s top quarterback for the season.  The award is called (drum roll please): the “Griese-Brees” award.  Yes, the award honors two of the Big 10’s most successful quarterbacks – Bob Griese and Drew Brees, both from Purdue. Unfortunately, the award also sounds like a raging bout of flatulence brought on by an overstuffed lunch bag full of Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese and Filet ‘O Fish sandwiches.  As in, “Whew, that burger gave me a bad case of the Griese-Brees.”  It’s a Jay Leno newspaper wedding announcement on steroids.

 Sure, Bob had a fine career with the Dolphins winning a superbowl and quarterbacking the fish to the only perfect season in NFL history.  Drew Brees is still writing his chapters in record books but will undoubtedly end up with a list of records as long as Dirk Nowitski’s arm.  But, how can it be that the award showcasing the surnames of these greats, when combined together, evokes a chortle more than a mood of reverence?  I mean, I don’t care who you are, the “Griese-Brees” award is a funny name.

 This dilemma got me thinking, how could we fix this problem?  Would calling the trophy the “Brees-Griese” award help?  Nope.  Still has the same connotations and since Bob Griese was older and came first, his name correspondingly needs to be listed first.  How ’bout a different choice of quarterback?  Surely there are some other greats we could have chosen…  How about the “Brady-Harbaugh” award ala Tom Brady and Jim Harbaugh?  Not quite the luster…  Or maybe, the “Schlichter-Long” award named after Art Schlichter and Chuck Long?  Probably not.  “Griese-Brees” it is.

 The selection committee had to have a sense of humor about this one.  There had to be at least one snicker in the room when they unveiled the name of the award.  The inner adolescent always rears its ugly head when potential fart jokes avail themselves.

 Griese-Brees: funny name, serious quarterbacks.