It seems Facebook has become has become a fog of white noise, unsubstantiated opinions, and useless information – dare I say, mis-information. I’ve unconciously developed some survival mechanisms to cut through. You might find these policies helpful to your daily navigation through this cesspool.
Whenever you see a post that contains the following, take the immediate corrective action recommended. It will help keep you sane.
My top ten rules for continuing to choose to involve myself in Facebook:
- “Let’s see who will share this post” = “Not me”
- “Be ready to laugh out loud” = “I defy you to make me laugh.” Scowl and proceed with caution.
- “Share if you know what’s good for you” = “Delete/Unfollow/Unfriend”
- “Cats do the craziest things” = “Unfollow”
- “Tough times don’t last but tough people do” memes = “Unfollow” (invite friend to join you for an evening of whiskey, crude jokes, and debauchery)
- Any political rant = “Scroll feverishly past.” Potentially unfollow if the individual takes any politically charged statement they make too seriously.
- Photos of themselves twenty years younger and thirty pounds lighter for no reason other than to remind everyone that they once “had it” = quickly scroll past. Repeated offenses can escalate to an “Unfollow” decision. Let your friend have their moment of nostalgia but don’t pander to this garbage. Get on with life and love your current self.
- Too many cute posts of themselves with a fluffy dog in “amazing” places in an attempt to impress the opposite sex = get a room for you and yourself. Suggest a Tinder account for your friend.
- Any post too lazy to be thought-provoking, enlightening, helpful, interesting, funny, or legitimately take my reading time into consideration = Scroll quickly past.
- Videos of people slipping and looking silly = bring it on. I love that shit.
Have fun with us Facebookers. Share with us. Goad me into thinking that the professional sports team from your city is better than the professional sports team from my city. Keep us up to date. Check the narcissism and vitriol at the door.
