The older I get the more I feel like most of my day is spent getting out of bed and getting ready for the day or getting undressed and ready to go back to bed again. Let me see, drink some water, brush my teeth, take a pee, put on some socks, or take off some socks… Where are my slippers? I’d better put my slippers right here so I know where they are in the morning. What the hell did I do with my slippers last night?

I think recognizing this continuum of getting up from bed and landing back into bed is why you go to bed earlier and earlier as you get older. You realize, fuck it, I’m going to go to bed eventually anyway so I might as well just cave into the gravitational pull of my mattress and hit the sack early. While I’m there I can catch a couple episodes of Stranger Things. I mean, I’m going to fall asleep in the middle of the first episode anyway, it might as well happen in bed, right? I used to fight the urge and stay up. But now, nope. If I’m tired, into bed I go.

I used to be anything but a morning person. I always hated people who could get up at 5 am chipper and ready to take on a new day. The reason I couldn’t get up was mainly because I stayed up watching Conan or Letterman or some other worthless endeavor every night. Now I actually can get up at 5am. Going to bed at 7 pm is a big contributor to my current success.

My big concern is what if this habit turns into dinner in bed? First piece of pizza I consume in bed will be my last.  That’s how that 800 lb. man ended up in bed 24/7 wearing nothing but a sheet.