The other day we were talking about how humans have the tendency to think that any animal, living alone, is deep down yearning for one of their own to collaborate with. What do you do when you have a single dog for a pet? You get another dog to keep it company, of course. We think, this has to be so much better for the dog. But is it really?

I know elephants and certain other animals like cows and horses are communal animals. They have a herd mentality. They aren’t built to be solitary creatures. But does this apply to domesticated animals?

Deep down your dog could be just fine alone. He has the whole house to himself when you’re at work… Can take naps whenever he wants. Doesn’t have anyone pestering him, stealing his treats, playing with his stuffed toys, or eating his food. He’s got it pretty good. Then, you decide to screw it all up and give him a playmate. Another dog, perhaps younger to give him some youthful zest. You just naturally assume your dog is going to think this is a truly magnanimous gesture. But what if they don’t? What if the new dog is a real jerk? People are jerks so, why not pets?

It’s like in gym class when the teacher put you on teams based on alphabetical order or some other arbitrary method of segregation. You always got partnered with the kid you can’t stand or just sucks at dodgeball and gets pelted right away so they can sit out the rest of the game. Then you’re stuck to fend for yourself. It could happen with pets. Arbitrary partnering just doesn’t work.

I remember in freshman year Physical Science class, Mr. Pauc paired me with Jerry Gorzycki as a lab partner. Jerry Gorzycki for heaven’s sake! An annoying mouth-breathing guy who had a D average thought he was way cooler than he was. I was stuck the whole semester with a guy I couldn’t stand.

What if you buy a dog and it just happens to be the Jerry Gorzycki of dogs? A mumbling, annoying dolt of a dog. Would you be able to distinguish those traits at the pet store or shelter? He’ll put on a good show for you so you’ll adopt him. But when you get home, he’ll still be Jerry Gorzycki. Your current dog will never forgive you.

So, think twice before you get your parakeet a chum or your cat a new buddy. They might not dig a new pal as much as you think.