We have a very unique company vehicle at my office. It’s an off-white 2013 Dodge Caravan. It was supposed to have a purplish-colored decal applied to its sides that had a shape reminiscent of a certain type of fruit. The decal didn’t quite turn out that way. While it does […]
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The guy that cleans our community office bathroom has a knack. It seems, his bathroom cleaning schedule is astrologically linked to my dumping routine. No matter when I go in there to take care of my daily newspaper reading, in the room he comes, whistling, with his mop in hand, […]
I have a friend who walks around naked in front of her teenage sons. Daily, she cruises through the house and disrobes down to nothing, right in front of them. The boys are in their mid-to-late teens, so, tits are on their minds anyway – constantly. Albeit, probably not […]
Tonight I watched The Life of Pi. A story about a boy living for weeks at sea in a lifeboat with a tiger. Told in real time, this was quite possibly the longest, most boring movie I’ve ever seen. I thought a better title for the movie would have been […]
Some people get depressed in the winter. They spend hours each day pining for spring and do everything in their power to find ways to distract themselves until the weather gets warm again. They head to Jamaica. They yearn for the warmth. They curse the cold. While there’s nothing wrong […]
Using lube. It’s like going to the bathroom. Everybody does it but no one likes to talk about it. Lube is one of the more mortifyingly embarrassing things that you could leave laying out in your bedroom that you’d never want your mom to stumble on. Other items include: […]
Exacerbate: to make things worse, by yourself.
I’ve had a recent life event that really made me analyze trust and what it means to a relationship. It’s hard to define – maybe best done by analogy… Trust is like a balloon. It’s a source of fun and joy. You can rub it on your head and make […]
Ok. So, there’s this asshole who lays on his horn every day before leaving the parking structure under his building across the street from my office. I know that he’s just trying to alert pedestrians before he pulls out onto the sidewalk. However, he blasts his horn twice for about […]
I heard that kids today aren’t taught how to write in cursive anymore. Is this a good thing? What if they have to read something someone else has handwritten in cursive? If no one in their generation can read it either, how will they know what the note says? How […]
When is the last time that you thought of Canada? Really. There’s the second largest country in the world, by sheer landmass, right to our north and we never hear about Canada. Over 3.8 million square miles of lakes, elk, and a bunch of other stuff no one even knows […]
Great scene – M*A*S*H (1973) “Hot Lips and Empty Arms” INT. ARMY COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY Henry Blake, Hawkeye, and Trapper are sitting in the dark in Henry’s office watching a blue 8mm film. There’s much laughter and ribald camaraderie taking place in the room. Major Houlihan abruptly crashes in. […]
I was doing a favor for my 87 year old grandmother today. No biggee, that’s what grandsons are supposed to do. I needed to call her cable company to order her a new cable box. To be sure I gave the company the right address, I did a quick web […]
The state of Wisconsin has a strong Native American tradition. It has numerous cities, towns, and landmarks with Native American names that are some of the most unique, poetic, and downright un-pronounceable on earth. I know this because the woman I just talked to with Lowe’s customer service was absolutely […]
I just saw a dude walk out of a public men’s room stall with his iPad in hand. I don’t mean, he brought it in the stall with him and rested it gently on the toilet paper holder to keep it safe from theft while he took care of business. […]