This year’s Masters golf tournament leader board sounds like a rendition of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: “On Walker, on Woodland, on Oosthuizen, and Spieth! On Bubba, on Bjorn, on Senden, on Blixt!”
Gary Scott
191 posts
I want to freely admit something. I am a men’s NCAA college basketball fanatic. It’s one sport around which I’d truly schedule my life. I know that sounds nuts. But I’d say, besides watching the Packers beat the Bears, it’s my only true sports weakness. This is the golden time of the […]
I accidentally left my cel phone sitting on the TP dispenser in a public men’s room today. I wasn’t using it in there, mind you, I just set it there for safe keeping while I took care of business. When I realized what I did and rushed back to get […]
I remember when I was a kid, my parents liked to discourage my big dreams with their fears and limited thinking. I was always admonished with the old adage “What if it doesn’t happen?” I know that their intention was to keep me grounded in reality, to keep my thoughts […]
I took a shortcut on my way to work this morning. Thankfully, it only added twenty minutes to my trip. I’ve notoriously done this in my life… I’ll try a different route, expecting to save time, and find out in the end that my route didn’t take me anywhere I […]
I have a friend who walks around naked in front of her teenage sons. Daily, she cruises through the house and disrobes down to nothing, right in front of them. The boys are in their mid-to-late teens, so, tits are on their minds anyway – constantly. Albeit, probably not […]
There was a great line in miniseries “Hatfields and McCoys”: Two Hatfield brothers are sitting in a whorehouse saloon drinking shots of whiskey. A prostitute approaches them. Whore: “I love Johnse Hatfield. Why doesn’t he love me?“ Guy at Saloon: “Because you’re a whore?”
I read a spiritual training article in a philosophy class in college. Essentially, it said for one to gain the most insight in life, it’s necessary to be a player and not a bystander. Doing is a requirement to living. Work more and relax less. Write more and read less. […]
I read a spiritual training article in a philosophy class in college. Essentially, it said for one to gain the most insight in life, it’s necessary to be a player and not a bystander. Doing is a requirement to living. Work more and relax less. Write more and read less. […]
OK, so I was tooling through the streets of downtown Milwaukee today at lunchtime and came upon some asswipe from Illinois parked at a red light straddling the line between the right turn lane and the lane for through traffic. I know he was from Illinois because his license plate […]
OK, so I was tooling through the streets of downtown Milwaukee today at lunchtime and came upon some asswipe from Illinois parked at a red light straddling the line between the right turn lane and the lane for through traffic. I know he was from Illinois because his license plate […]
The average nostril is roughly the same circumference as your index finger. This can be for one reason only: booger picking. Coincidence? You be the judge. Analyze people’s finger sizes sometime. People with small fingers have, get this, small noses. People with big fingers have, you guessed it, big noses. It’s […]
Tonight I watched The Life of Pi. A story about a boy living for weeks at sea in a lifeboat with a tiger. Told in real time, this was quite possibly the longest, most boring movie I’ve ever seen. I thought a better title for the movie would have been […]
Some people get depressed in the winter. They spend hours each day pining for spring and do everything in their power to find ways to distract themselves until the weather gets warm again. They head to Jamaica. They yearn for the warmth. They curse the cold. While there’s nothing wrong […]
Using lube. It’s like going to the bathroom. Everybody does it but no one likes to talk about it. Lube is one of the more mortifyingly embarrassing things that you could leave laying out in your bedroom that you’d never want your mom to stumble on. Other items include: […]
I’ve found that there are a large number of daily tasks that come down to an either/or decision. As in, if you perform the task one way, it will work perfectly, but if you perform the task the opposite way, it won’t work at all. I’ve assembled a few of […]
Exacerbate: to make things worse, by yourself.
I’ve spent a lot of my life looking around for that perfect something that fits my inner so and so. You know, that just right job, just right house, just right this, that, or the other thing? Looking for that something that makes you feel complete, warm, and fuzzy inside. […]